hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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