My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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