I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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