i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
