I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
