What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
