Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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