just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He kissed a someone with a penis
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
