guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
