i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
