We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize