You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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