lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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