how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
