I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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