The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
