i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
