My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
