I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The Olympian is in my bed
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
