no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize