I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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