I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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