This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
