i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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