How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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