I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
