I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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