I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize