He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
