I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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