We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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