You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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