Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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