Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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