and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
