your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
