someone threw a dead crab at me
I CAN MOONWALK!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
