What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
