i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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