I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
