didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
