They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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