So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
