I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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