i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
