Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My balls are so social today.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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