like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
