New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
