And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
