Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
