can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize