Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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