nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
