A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
