I'm pants shitting drunk right now
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
