I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
