...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
