Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
