just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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