I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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