I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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