I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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