im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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