I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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