Jerry, you need to find god
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
