well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
