Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you traded sex for a burrito?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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