i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
