But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
