Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
