my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
