Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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