Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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