maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
as a side note pls kill me
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
