pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
