she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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