I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
