in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I am midnight drunk by noon
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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