At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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