The brown eye won't let me do that either.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
