I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
