youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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