I want to make a zoo with you.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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