sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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