So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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