Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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