speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
