If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
