K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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