my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Still dying that you shit outside
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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