Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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