Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
