so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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