I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
