Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
