my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
