On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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