do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
