remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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