No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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