frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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